Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
