he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will be naked everywhere
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
