Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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