sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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