I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
