I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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