I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
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i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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