is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
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My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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