OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
