He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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