I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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