READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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