you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
