just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i now understand why vodka
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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