Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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