There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
They have beer where we have blood.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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