Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
