Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
