so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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