In the future we'll all be gay
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
