I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
