You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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