I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
