I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
