In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
