Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
