I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
