You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
