Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
