but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
