I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
