Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
