Your tits are I can't wait for
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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