i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize