My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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