i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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