____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
