Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Can Purell be used as lube?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
