Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
