I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
