The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I wear drunk well.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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