oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
