oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
