I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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