Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
