Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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