If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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