The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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