Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
