you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Randomize
