girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
