I love black thongs
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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