Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
