This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
