sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
