did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
