Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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