The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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