um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
