Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
