oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
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I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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