I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
